Monday, April 16, 2012

Eddie Perlmutter Meets a World Famous Killer

My name is Eddie Perlmutter. I’m the sixty-one year old protagonist from Steven M. Forman’s three Boca mystery comedy novels. I’m an ex Boston cop, the most demoted, promoted officer in the department’s history, a former undefeated Golden Gloves Champion and a current private detective in Boca Raton, Florida. I’m still undefeated, even in my dreams.

Somehow I had an appointment to meet a world famous assassin at a seedy hot spot in the netherworld called Hell’s Kitchen, right outside the gates of Purgatory. I saw eternal flames burning in the distance and heard the feint cries of people in eternal anguish.

“This must be the place,” I said to myself, opened the door and looked around the smoky room.

Adolph Hitler was seated at the first booth peering at a map.

“Invade Russia,” I whispered in his ear.

“What a great idea,” Hitler said, looking up at me with the eyes of a maniac.

I walked on, nodding to serial killer Ted Bundy and his date. I didn’t bother with David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam) who was engrossed in a conversation with his dog. Jeffrey Dahmer was having dinner alone and I didn’t ask what he was eating.

“Johnny boy,” I said when I saw the man I was meeting. He was handsome with a trimmed mustache and thick wavy hair. I recognized him from pictures in history books.

“I prefer John,” he said in a smooth actor’s voice.

I sat down across from him. “Okay John it is,” I said to John Wilkes Booth, the man who assassinated Abraham Lincoln.

“How did you get here? He asked.

“In a dream, I think. It feels like one.”

“And you want to know why I killed Lincoln, right?”

“I’m a cop. I like to study a killer’s mind,” I said.

“It’s simple, really,” he said. “I’m a white supremacist and Lincoln spoiled my fun. Blacks are third class citizens who should work for the white man. You can quote me on that.”

“Tell that to Barack Obama,” I said.


“The President of the United States,” I told him. “He’s a black man.”

“Now I know you’re dreaming,” Booth laughed. “In my day there wouldn't even be a black dog catcher. Plenty of people thought like me; men like George Atzerodt, Lewis Powell and David Herold who helped me kill Lincoln. We hoped to go down in history as great men.”

“You didn’t,” I said. “You’re all reviled as assassins…like Lee Harvey Oswald.”

“Who’s he?”

“Another nut-job who killed a great man,” I said. “He was a coward like you. He shot a president from a long distance and you shot one up close in the back of the head. Oswald was shot to death the same day. You were hunted down and shot in a burning barn by a union shoulder. You died as hated men by your generation and mine.”

“If you hate me so much, why did you come here looking for me? He asked.

“To give you this,” I said standing up and punching John Wilkes Booth in the mouth.

He was already dead and didn’t feel any pain…but I felt better. It was like a dream come true.

Many thanks to Steve Forman and his protagonist Eddie Perlmutter for joining us this week. As Eddie mentioned, Steve is the author of the Boca mystery series. You can take a look at my recent review of Boca Daze here. This book also comes highly recommended by my dad who really enjoyed it as well.
We all have a "villain" we wish we could one up; whether it be the bully from junior high school, the girl who got the guy you wanted to date, the mean boss who made work a living hell, or even a person who changed history with his/her wicked wicked ways. If you could "give it" to one person, who would that person be? Leave a comment today and you'll be entered to win a book and a bookmark. 


Anonymous April 19, 2012 at 7:16 PM  

Magnificent! (As usual. :-P )

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